Last week during worship we sang Hillsong’s “Who You Say I Am”.
As my heart settled into worship the words washed over me until the following verse caught my attention, “In my Father’s house there’s a place for me. I’m a child of God, yes I am.”
For most of my life I’ve lived under the cloud of not being enough, never fitting in and always living life on the outside. I’ve lived under the shroud of lies that has permeated my life like a slow release poison, tainting every area of my life.
The proverbial black sheep.
But the more I dig into my relationship with God, I can call a lie a lie.
God has a place for me. I have and always will have a place in His home.
How often does that happen in our lives?
I know my husband and kids love me. But I also I know that as much as I feel the same way about my family, I know despite my best intentions I hurt and disappoint them. Not so with God.
I don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations or demands.
With God, I can simply be me.
There’s no striving, working hard for approval or tip-toeing around Him because I’ve made a mistake.
I am enough, just as I am. The Lord made me, knew me before I was ever born and His Son Jesus died for the love of me.
There’s a place for me, in my Father’s house.
I love those words of promise. They help to heal the brokenness left behind by my own earthly father.
Yes, I loved my earthly father, I’ve shared in earlier stories that I was a daddy’s girl. But for as much as I loved him, too often I was met with words of criticism. Words that left no doubt that I’d disappointed him in some way.
For instance, I remember on my high school graduation night, I was so excited. I had worked hard, won many achievements and was thrilled to be walking across the stage to grab my diploma and embrace the next step in my future. I was so proud.
I turned to my dad in my excitement and said, “I can’t wait to walk across that stage!”
My dad’s response, with a stoic look on his face was, “Ya know, if you’d only worked harder you could’ve been valedictorian.”
I was devastated.
I had studied so hard in my pre-med classes, struggled just to get a passing grade in math class and worked tirelessly to earn seating in the top 3% of my class.
For nothing. My dad was ashamed of me.
Now maybe in his own way, he was trying to say that he thought I was capable of more. And maybe he wanted more for me. I don’t know.
What I do know is that in those brief moments I went from feeling proud, excited and happy to worthless.
For years, I tried so hard to win his approval, garner his blessing with the choices, directions and steps I was taking in my life, only to hear over and over the same sentiment, “Amy, you’re not good enough.”
Breaking free from those lies has taken a lot of effort. You see, folks can tell you that you’re wonderful, but deep down, there’s little voice that condemns, ridicules and laughs at you each time you try to believe otherwise.
Until God steps in and changes things.
I’ve been walking with God my entire life. So you’d think that His promises would’ve broken the chains of lies years ago. Maybe they should have. I don’t think I was willing to accept His truth, out of fear and doubt that they were for me.
It wasn’t until I lost my dad last year, was I able to really hear God’s truth about my life.
Sometimes those we love the most are the ones who either intentionally or unintentionally hurt us the worst. Their words, innuendos, sarcasm can leave lasting scars that I believe only God can truly heal.
We don’t have to stay in the past, repeating the lies in our minds and hearts, making it a mantra that should never be placed on us.
Instead we can choose to listen, embrace and accept God’s truth.
We are loved by our Holy precious Father. We have a place in His house, with Him. Forever. In His eyes, we are His beloved children, washed clean from sin because of His son Jesus.
I want to encourage you to really listen to the words of this song, let them sink deep into your soul, healing it from any lies you were told and making room for the truth that there is a place for you in your Father’s house.
Until next time friend, you are loved by God.