What does that even mean, “seeking God?”
I started this blog because I’ve had plenty of women ask me, “What do you mean you talked to God? Did He part the skies and boom down from heaven, ‘Hey Amy, how’s it going? Do you need something? You got a problem I can help you with?’
Yes and No.
No, I’ve never heard an audible voice. But what I have experienced is His Holy Spirit talking to me through a prompting in my soul and through His Word when I’m spending time with Him. Most mornings, I’m sitting on my couch with a journal and my bible. I want to be intentional about my time with the Lord. I try, and sometimes fail, to show up each morning to journal out my thanks, my concerns and His Word.
I find when I’m writing, it’s actually more like writing Him a letter. Telling Him everything that I’m thinking, or feeling. Oh I know He knows. But I also know God wants me to share what’s on my heart. The good the bad and the ugly. It’s like when my boys were little. I knew what they did all day long but it still brought me so much joy to have them recount their days each evening, whether it was over dinner or in their bed time prayers. Even when I knew how they took the fall that caused their skinned knees, which friend they played with and about the hot cocoa Grandpa got them at the local coffee shop.
I think this is where relationship kicks in. Our heavenly Father knows everything before you or I ever utter a sing word. But…He still wants to hear it from you. Communicating as we know in any relationship is essential to growth, strength and trust.
So…I tell Him everything. And in return God, in His mercy and grace, listens, guides and shows me the path He has for me, for that day.
I know He’s heard my every prayer, grabbed every tear before it hits the ground, sings with joy over me and cheers me on to become more like His Son, Jesus. And that happens with the amount of time I spend with Him. I’ll be transparent here and tell you that I’ve always known and loved the Lord. My earliest childhood memories include Him.
Spoiler alert – knowing God didn’t always mean I had a good relationship with Him. Trust me, when I was young and rebellious I was determined to break free from the constraints of family upbringing, societal expectations and the demands of what was expected of me, until one day I had had enough and I walked away. I shrugged off anything/everything that I grew up with.
Until ten years later, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was drowning emotionally and spiritually from my own self-absorption and needed help, desperately.
The moment I cried out to Him, there was peace. I was home. No condemnation. No blame, shame or ridicule.
Just peace.
Healing took quite some time as it usually does when you ride through life hell-bent for leather, but the moment I cried out to the Lord, He was there. Had been all along and I knew it. I was the one who’d pushed Him away, denied His calling and ignored every single moment He tried to get my attention. But in that one single moment, when I was broken, alone, living in fear on where I’d be laying my head for the night, God heard me. In those moments I knew I was loved, forgiven and for the first time in years, despite my circumstances, was at peace.
That’s when my walk with Him started anew. Right then and there I swore, no one, no thing would ever cause me to turn my back on Him ever again. And by His grace, I’ve been able to keep that promise for the last 36 years and the Lord wiling, will continue to do so until I meet Him face to face. Oh! What a day that will be!
That’s my story. But you know what? From Genesis to Revelation God writes a story describing how much He loves us and wants to be in relationship with us. All we have to do is show up and participate, have a conversation, share your heart.
There are no right or wrongs when talking to God.
Amy Grant has a song called, Better than a Hallelujah and it reminds us that being with God is nothing pretentious. He’s our heavenly Father waiting, wanting to hear from you. You don’t have to dress it up or play it down. God wants all of your life in a simple conversation. Nothing fancy. Just your heart.
“We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful,the mess we are
The honest cries of a breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah”
I bet I can guess your next question…
If God wants to walk with us, why do we have to seek Him, right?
That’s fair.
We don’t. He’s already waiting for you. Seeking God means putting God first above myself, my motives, my life, me, me, me. It means I’m inviting God into my life and with that comes healing, peace, conviction for behaviors that aren’t in my best interest. It means opening up my heart and mind to a God who created me for a purpose and plan.
You see we often choose us, our choices, our lives over Him. We don’t anyone or any thing telling us, anything but “yes, go ahead.” Instinctively I think we know choosing ourselves over Him may mean a correction plan is in our future. It’s accepting that the God of Universe who created us, knows exactly what is best for our lives and we can walk with Him as it unfolds or we can stiff arm Him out of our lives because we believe we have life covered the way we want it, on our terms. We tell ourselves that we don’t need God, we’ve got this thing called life, nailed down and there aren’t any issues.
Maybe so. And yet He waits, He makes Himself known to us in a million different ways, just waiting for us to welcome Him in. God is not One to push Himself on you or demand your attention. The choice is yours to make.
For each of us our reason to seek the Lord looks different. There’s a “why” that keeps us from reaching out to Him, inviting Him to be Lord of our life. Maybe you’re afraid of what a relationship with God will look like. Maybe you’re worried it’ll change how you currently live and the choices you make. Maybe you simply don’t want to be bothered, your plate is overwhelmingly full.
All of that doesn’t change His love for you and that He’s waiting for you to invite Him into your heart.
You may be thinking, “So what? Who cares? Why bother?” I said those exact same things to myself a time or two.
Here’s what I know because I’ve lived it.
God has shown up for me when no one, and I mean no one else cared whether I lived or died. God heard me. He dried my tears and gave me a hope that I’d never, ever experienced before.
God and God alone, made sure I came out the other side of those heartaches knowing I was loved by Him.
When you hit the bottom of the pit and you’re stuck there alone, dying, and God reaches out and reminds you that He is right there in the pit with you and that you are loved, your soul begins to heal.
His love changed me to the core.
I will not kid you into believing that God acted like some genie in the sky and “poof” He waved a magic wand and everything was perfect. Nope. Not even close. The change in my life took time, effort and transparency between me and Him. But I’ll tell ya, a dying man who is given a chance at life, often takes it and is thankful for the hand that reached out to bring healing.
But ever since I put my heart in His hands, it’s meant I am never alone. I am loved and I can count on God to hear me and to know me. Slowly, over time my circumstances changed. My heart changed. The way I lived and related to those around me changed. I’m still a work in progress for sure and that’s ok. He’ll get me to where I need to be, right on time. And no, it does not mean my life has been a bed of roses since that rescue.
When I lost my grandma and brother to cancer, God heard my cries. When I begged for my son’s life as he too was fighting cancer, God understood my fears and held me close.
God is my dearest friend and confidante. Nobody else understands my pain like He does. And He understands yours too.
The goal for seeking God is to walk in His fulfilled promise found in Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
You wanna know when I gave Him my heart? When I was so broken, empty, alone and afraid. I didn’t have a soul in my life. No one. And during a night of despair, and in fear that He would reject me, I took a chance and cried out to Him, begging for anyone to hear me. And God, yep, He was the only One who showed up. I’ll never forget that night for as long as I live.
Now I know my story isn’t the same as yours. But what I do know, is how God can be closer than a friend when we are at our darkest hour.
My hope is that together, through this blog, we’ll be walking it out. Hand in hand with God, one step, one moment, one day at a time.
Welcome dearest, I’m so glad we’re doing this together!
