A Reality Check For A Mom of Adult Children
Last night I had dinner by myself.
I understand what it is to work all day, come home, prepare a dinner for your family only to find yourself eating alone.
It’s not a good feeling.
No one prepares you for what it feels like to to have no one show up for dinner even when they’re at home.
Dinner time was family time. A time of togetherness and unity. It was also a time we said grace.
When the boys were younger we’d all gather together, hold hands, bow our heads and take turns thanking God for our blessings. This small act of family worship meant so much to me. To see my littles, talking to God, recognizing His blessings in their lives and hearing all of us give thanks brought a closeness that no sports activity or school event can ever offer.
But now, dinner time might as well be another form of a fast food restaurant. Sure the food is there and everyone comes and goes as they please. Our adult children no longer want to sit and talk, laugh and share and they certainly don’t want to talk about God.
What used to pull us together as a family, is now a measure of division. Rebellion has stirred in their hearts and they no longer want the same things they were taught as children.
In fact, they go out of their way to avoid family dinner time as a way to passively rebel against saying grace.
That truth breaks my heart to the depths of my soul.
Sure I understand what it is to break free from the way you were raised and want to create your own separate identity with morals and ideals, I was once in their shoes.
Now I walk in my parents shoes and they hurt.
It’s not that I want my adult children to sit down and confess their souls over a bowl of spaghetti. I miss our family dinners and having them join their dad and I in prayer.
As a mom, no one prepares you for this kind of loss.
Tonight I cried tears of grief as I cleaned up the dishes and turned off the kitchen light. The quiet was deafening. What was worse was the fact that my sons were upstairs. I knew they were hungry. I also knew they were avoiding that which convicted them the most, their rebellion.
Oh! How I miss our family dinners. I want our family to be a unit again, loving each other and loving God.
That’s not where we’re at, at the moment.
Yes I’m at a loss as to what do. My kids are adults, not kids. Sure we’ve talked about it and I’ve been given the list of excuses why they can’t come to the table, but we moms know, don’t we? We know when our kids are lying to us and to themselves.
That’s my reality.
My boys don’t join us for dinner because they are too busy justifying their rebellion against God in our home. They skip dinner and wait until I go to bed then they slink out of their rooms and grab something to eat.
So what’s a mom to do?
Don’t give up on your family.
Fight for your family in prayer.
I tell God about my hopes and wishes to bring our family back together, knowing He captures every single tear I shed and holds them tight.
Those boys are my heart and I miss them even though we’re under the same roof. I grieve over their rebellion. I pray even harder than my pain is deep, knowing that God has an incredible plan and purpose for them and that He, the God of the universe loves them. There isn’t a single breath they take or a hair on their head that He doesn’t know about.
So I keep on praying.
Yes I cry. Yes my heart breaks. But God…He is enough; for me, for my husband, for our sons. He brought this family together and through His grace and provision He is over our family.
In the meantime, I continue to make dinner in hopes that one day, they’ll pound down the steps, pull out a chair, grab me and daddy’s hand, bow their heads once again and thank the good Lord above for their blessings.
If my story rings true for you, please know that God knows your heart. How it hurts, how it wishes and hopes for a better day and just how much you love your family.
Let me encourage you to not give up. As they say, “keep on keeping on.” Keep on showing up, keep making those dinners, keep inviting your family to the table and keep on praying for God to heal and bless your family.
Remember dear friend,